Only in my world…

January 31, 2013

The Dead Lady’s Dresser…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by trishthedishfl @ 6:47 pm

So, many, many moons ago when I decided to move out of my parent’s house for the first time, I (like most other young people who move out) needed furniture.  My mother nearly had a nervous breakdown at the thought of me taking my beautiful REAL CHERRY furniture (because that is how she said it whenever I brought it up) all the way to Alabama.  God forbid!!  So, I did what any self respecting newly twenty one year old would do and I started browsing the whole family’s castaways for furniture I could take.  At my grandfather’s house, I found a dresser.  It had generously sized drawers to be sure, but it looked OLD.  I asked about it and he told me that it had belonged to my great aunt (his sister).  I jumped back and said, “oh God, I can’t use a dead lady’s dresser.”  For those who don’t know, apparently it is offensive to call your aunt a dead lady  🙂  My grandfather insisted I should take it and I was just as insistent that I couldn’t use the “dead lady’s dresser.”  However, when push comes to shove and your mother insists you can’t take the REAL CHERRY furniture, you do what you have to do.  You line the drawers of the dead lady’s dresser with contact paper so no dead germs creep through and you throw your clothes in there and you pretend you don’t know….  So, I did.  I think I mentioned the dresser looked old but did I mention it had a hideous paint job??  Here it is in all it’s brown painted glory…


So, that was ummm….  more than a decade ago which I hate to admit.  Since then, I have been allowed to take the REAL CHERRY furniture and even move back in with it, but the dead lady’s dresser has always hung out.  I hadn’t used it in a few years and it was chilling in a spare bedroom, then got kicked out to the garage and then I got to looking at it….  I mean, I really looked at it.  I looked with grown up eyes, not twenty one year old needs furniture eyes.  I realized the dead lady’s dresser with the hideous paint job was REAL WOOD underneath.  It wasn’t some cheapo laminate crap that came out of a flat box (talk to my brother about the evils of flat box furniture).  At one time, the dead lady’s dresser had been a really nice piece of furniture.  By this point, I had discovered that the REAL CHERRY furniture was a REAL PAIN IN THE ASS.  It is gorgeous, no denying that, but there is not one drawer in either the dresser or bureau that holds more than say, two t-shirts….  So, I really wanted a piece of furniture that would hold all my socks in one drawer.  Seriously the REAL CHERRY furniture required three drawers to hold my socks- no joke at all.  So I started wondering, what would I have to do to make the dead lady’s dresser something I would be proud to have in my room?  Then I got sandpaper out and I discovered it was really lovely underneath.  Then, I phoned a friend.  Adria and her daughter came over and we started sanding and this is what we found.


Uh huh, kind of pretty isn’t it….  Especially that neat green wood on the drawer.  The whole damn thing was real wood….  Real, pretty wood!!  So, we sanded and we went to Home Depot and bought what we thought was the right thing to finish it.  The dresser went home with Adria because she had a Dremel and she got as much paint out of the small detaily parts as she could without reshaping them.  The dresser came back to my house and then it stalled.  I was working like a crazy woman and she was working and having a baby.  The dead lady’s dresser just sat, languishing in my front hall.  Then I became unemployed, thank God, and the dead lady’s dresser experienced a Renaissance.  I called Adria and I brought over the finish we had bought and knobs I had bought to replace the old boring ones (also we didn’t feel like sanding the old ones).  We sanded some more with very fine sandpaper and declared ourselves amazing and drank wine.  Then we tried spraying a drawer…..  Ummmm wrong product!!!!  Very wrong LOL  We hated how it was working (or wasn’t working but that might have been our opinion).  So back to the store I went…  New product and dresser came home again.  Adria and I polyurethaned and declared ourselves amazing again.  I went to the store for new contact paper for the drawers (so not kidding).  My amazing boyfriend helped sand it and polyurethane it again (and again).  Then we brought it upstairs.  It looked great!  I was so ready to put everything in it.  All that remained was to repaper the drawers.  We started around 1am.  At 3am, we had not a drawer done and we had cursed up a blue streak.  The paper wouldn’t stick.  I declared the dresser the winner and took a breather.  Two days later, I called Adria and said, would you call me crazy if I wanted to paint the dresser?  She laughed and said, “you want to paint inside the drawers don’t you?”  That’s why we keep friends we have had for twenty years.  Of course I wanted to paint inside the drawers.  So, back to Home Depot I went and got samples of four different colors- hot pink, a most excellent blue, lime green and a really cool purple.  John and I set to painting the drawers and painting again.  Then, finally I could add the knobs I bought months ago!  Or not!  I didn’t like one of the sets I bought (surprise).  So back to Hobby Lobby with me.  Finally, everything was perfect.  Check it out!!!

dresserfinish3 dresserfinish2 dresserfinish4 dresserfinish5

Personally I think the dead lady would be proud!!!  I know I am!


September 23, 2009

Mercury Moon Karaoke Night :)

Filed under: Uncategorized — by trishthedishfl @ 10:08 pm

Dear Mercury Moon,

I was so right yesterday when I announced the start of a great love affair.  Your karaoke is as amazing as your live music.  I can only hope two girls discover they are sharing the same guy with half of Orange Park every week  😉

One of your newest fans,

September 22, 2009

Mercury Moon and The Buck Smith Project

Filed under: Uncategorized — by trishthedishfl @ 7:46 pm

Dear Mercury Moon,

I love you.   No, really, you don’t understand.  I was headed home last night to clean the house and do some laundry.  Then a friend called and told me I should come out to Mercury Moon to see/hear Buck Smith Project.  I put up a mild protest.  “I was still in work clothes, blah blah blah.”  Then I headed that way.  I saw amazing things last night.  Thank you Tony for pointing out that nearly geriatric soon to be menage a trois.  I haven’t laughed that hard in days.  Thank you Buck Smith Project for playing “Give me one reason to stay here” so I could hear the quote of the night.  “Is this song giving off subliminal lesbian messages?”  I promise you it was.  So, Mercury Moon, I think this is the start of a fine love affair.

Love always,

March 28, 2009

Some people look forward to the sun…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by trishthedishfl @ 5:16 am

Some people look forward to the sun….  Me, I prefer the moon.  That being said, I am an avowed night person.  HOWEVER, this particular story has nothing to do with my nocturnal preferences.  This story is a tale of a mooning that happened in the daylight.  In my entire life I have witnessed only two moonings.  Oddly, both events happened in my adulthood.  I mean real adulthood, not twenty years old and drunk, but real live over twenty five adulthood. 

The first of these two incidents happened on a corporate trip for a company I no longer work for but LOVED working for.  (that should be a clue people, restaurant management job that I loved)  We might have been excused from acting like fools at that point because we were a little punch drunk.  Opening a new restaurant is a looooong two weeks!!!  This was on the downside of that two weeks.

So, the more recent episode happened…  well…. recently….  Like yesterday in fact.  It was a VERY dear friend’s birthday.  We set a lunch date and I decided to surprise her by bringing along her boyfriend.  We had a rather long lunch.  Note to everyone– If you only have an hour and a half, don’t try to do lunch at Cruisers.  So, by the end of lunch, everything was funny.  I don’t know why.  It shouldn’t have been, but it was.  So, we made a little side trip to a certain store which “might” have some lovely yarn at a super discount (along with all other things under the sun).  After this, I said Happy Birthday to this friend in a way that might only be appropriate to us and we went our separate ways…  Little did I know that I was driving the get away moon mobile.  So, here we are driving down a state highway featured prominently in some early nineties (I think) music….  “AIA, beachfront avenue, girls were hot wearing less than bikinis”  But I digress…  So we were moving down this highway and we kept pulling even with my dear friends vehicle.  At some point, the boyfriend says “I’m gonna moon her.”  And do you know what I said….  All I said was….  I am not sure I can get the truck even with her again.  I didn’t say, no, that is immature….  I didn’t say, no, you can’t do that on a major road….  I didn’t even say, “what if a cop sees you, after all it is broad daylight”  Nope, all I said was I don’t know if I can get you even with her.  Then I proceeded to pull the moon mobile into position.  I achieved the desired lane position and he achieved, well, the desired position.  All was well, until we pulled even again and saw her shaking her camera.  So, I guess it remains to be seen, was this documented photographically.  It won’t matter though.  I will remember that as one of the FUNNIEST things I have done/witnessed in my adult life.  The two of us laughed like hyenas.  It was totally immature, absolutely ridiculous and FUN.  I don’t even know what else to say, besides “beware the moon mobile.”  I know I won’t pull that stunt again, but I will remember that in the right place, at the right time, with the right people- immaturity is exhilirating and appropriate.

January 15, 2009

It's three a.m., I must be lonely…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by trishthedishfl @ 4:10 am

Love love love that Matchbox 20 song!  What I don’t love is being awake at three a.m.  So, I went to bed last night around one thirty.  At two thirty, I was still lying there wide awake.  I thought maybe hard labor would wear me out and I would sleep, but no such luck.  I disassembled the dog’s crate, I cleaned even more out of my room, I packed the items I needed to ship.  I was still WIDE awake! 
So, I didn’t want to walk downstairs where my current knitting project was hanging out.  I thought the hike downstairs would wake me up even more.  So, I started looking through all the neatly organized cubes for something I could knit on.  I found something I really wanted to work on– The Summer Shawlette from Knitting Daily.  I haven’t worked on that bad boy in at least a year and it is gorgeous.  So, I got it out and immediately knew exactly where I was.  I ALMOST started knitting on it and then I spread it out and looked at it…  A few rows back, I had totally jacked up the pattern.  So, when faced with this at three a.m. most people would set the knitting down.  Oh no, I figured I could just tink back a few rows.  That was just silly and it turned out I didn’t have the patience for that.  So, then I decided I could just pull the needles out and go back a few rows.  Ummm, wrong again.  So then I figured I would just go back to the collar.  That way I wouldn’t have to redo the provisional cast on (which I didn’t think I knew how to do).  If anyone wants to guess how that went  🙂  So, at four forty five a.m., I realized that with directions I can do a provisional cast on.  Well, it appears I can.  I haven’t knit the entire forty rows that I have to knit before I can “unzip” the cast on yet.  So, we will see if it is successful soon.

December 17, 2008

How was I not…

Filed under: Uncategorized — by trishthedishfl @ 11:40 am

institutionalized??  Honest to God, I don’t know how my mother didn’t institutionalize me when I moved home from Birmingham.  I was cleaning tonight/this morning (don’t anyone die of shock, I am even going to provide photographic evidence) and I found something.  Well, I mean, I found several somethings.  I almost threw this bag away however and am so glad I opened it before just jettisoning it.  (and I figured out how to work jettison into this post, I am a genius at six thirty in the morning)  So, I opened this bag and found my Copelands uniforms in it.  Copelands was the last job I had before I moved back home from “the Ham.”  I moved home in February of 2004 (I think.)  This bag of clothes has been waiting patiently to be unpacked for almost five years now.  I pulled out two shirts and saw what was in the bag and almost tossed it.  Then I realized that I have this strange compulsion to save server aprons.  I don’t know why.  I mean like I seriously don’t even have the first clue.  I think it is in case I freelance as a bartender which I have done like twice ever, but you know, in case I do, I should have a wardrobe of appropriate aprons.  I have short white aprons, long white aprons, short black aprons, long black aprons, aprons with pockets, aprons without pockets.  You get the idea, but I digress.  Under the two shirts was a long black apron.  By the way, the Copelands uniform was excellent- black from head to toe, so slimming.  So, I pull this apron out to put in the “save pile” and realize it is kind of heavy.  So, I fish around in the pocket.  I swear to you, it was like time travel.  There were still four pens in the pocket, my server book, my wine key, and, wait for it…..  drum roll please….  the wallet I always used to carry my server “bank.”  Now for those of you who haven’t waited tables for a living, a bank is the money you carry as change for your customers.  I ALWAYS carried twenty dollars back in the day.  Well, twenty dollars plus change.  So, I realize the wallet is what is making the apron so heavy.  It was apparently still full of loose change.  I open it and not only is the loose change in there, but so is one five dollar bill and fifteen one dollar bills- the denominations believed to be an ideal bank.  Now really, those of you who know me, know that I am scattered about certain things, but my money isn’t one of them.  I could tell you almost to the penny how much money is in my bank account at any given time, how many coins are in my coin jar or what my next paycheck will be.  I set up a spreadsheet to track my tip earnings for God’s sakes.  So, how in the ever loving hell, did I FORGET twenty dollars?  I mean I know I was a raving mess when I moved home.  Truly, I realize this, but to FORGET money???  My mother is a saint.  That is the only thing I can think.  How did she not institutionalize me?  There is something to be said for this cleaning thing I tell you.  I am off to continue.


Filed under: Uncategorized — by trishthedishfl @ 11:25 am

Okay, I have noticed my knitting blog has been taken over by “only in my world” events.  So, I have started this blog to share the comedy that happens “only in my world.”  At some point, I will get around to migrating some posts from the other blog over here, but until then…  Hang in there!  My world is always confusing.  Why should my blogs be any different?

November 21, 2008

Natural Born Killers (Not the Movie)

Filed under: Uncategorized — by trishthedishfl @ 6:36 am

So, I own a horse… which most of you know.  I have owned a horse since I was eleven.  For those of you who I have not yet revealed my true age to, that means I have owned a horse for eighteen years.  That horse (well Gus and his predecessor, Boogie) has lived in my backyard here in Florida for sixteen of those years.  The other two years (which are irrelevant to this particular story) Gus lived in a barn in Birmingham, AL and I lived in his front yard if you will.  So, back to current times.  I have never had a rodent “situation” in all my years of horse ownership.  I keep my feed in a sealed container.  I do not do rodents.  End of story.  Fast forward to this week…  I think my rodents are are the size of Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  Not only that, but I think they have power tools.  How else in the HELL could they have drilled a 3″x2″ hole in the side of the feed container overnight (literally)?  So, because I am, ummmm, completely and thorougly disturbed and disgusted by rodents, I paid my brother and sister in law to clean out my feed room, put the feed in a new container and remove loose hay, etc hoping to eliminate the rodent habitat.  Well obviously they missed the power tool stash, because the next day, there was a huge perforated line in the new container.  Following that, there was an entrance hole.  At this point, I have to hang up the white flag.  I concede.  I need help to win this war.  My poor dingo cannot climb the rafters and so she and I are both at a loss as to how to solve this and that brings us to my natural born killers and the amazing reading talents of people.  I posted an ad on craigslist looking for a cat….  In order to avoid any confusion, I am going to post my EXACT ad right here for you to read.

ISO Mean Wicked Evil Rodent Killing Barn Cat-My barn is being overrun by rodents and I need some help. My dogs are happy to go after rodents on the ground, but they can’t climb and patrol the rafters/loft like a cat can. I need a cat that is used to being outside, is a proven mouser, is neutered/spayed and knows that not all dogs are friendly. I know this is a tall order, but surely someone has some extra barn cats.
Please contact me if you do as I would LOVE to take them off your hands.

Here are some actual real live responses that I received.  As usual, I CANNOT make this stuff up and these are responses I actually received in my inbox.

Our barn cats are always having kittens..i will see if I can capture one if you still need it


I saw your craigs list post.  I have a cat that is mean and evil and will kill mice even though she has no front claws 😉 yeah, seriously.  We are moving and can’t take her.  But she’s not a barn cat, I can’t guarantee she’ll get the mice and not sure how she’ll do around the dogs.  Can you tell me a little more about you and the property and the situation. 

There is a sweet cat that was abandoned outside my house. I always see her eting lizards

Im not sure if this cat would be what your looking for…We live in a mobile home park someone had dropped this cat off because it just showed up one day…we cannot take it in due to allergies.. we were told she is spayed and one of the neighbors that passed away the family just let her loose..she is excellent at catching rodents I have personally watch her chase and catch the little lizards and they are really quick.. Please come get her…
Blessedly, I did get a real response amongst all of that and “Ernie” and “Lola” are out in the tack room getting their bearings.  Hopefully, all will go well.  Keep your fingers crossed for me, Ernie and Lola.


November 2, 2008


Filed under: Uncategorized — by trishthedishfl @ 7:40 am

I don’t think there are many people on this earth who know how happy I am that I got to attend the Ferguson Family Halloween Bash this year!  Last year I missed out on this soiree because I was in the “dirty Myrtle.”  So, I have been sulking for an entire year.

I definitely got into the spirit of the holiday and dressed as a “fairy woodland princess.”  I was truly supposed to just be a fairy princess.  Then I discovered that these newfound boobs of mine wouldn’t fit into the pretty pink princess dress I was going to wear.  So, I had to wear it’s twin in aqua which had room for my chest.  Really, seriously, I am 29 and my cleavage just now decides to join the party…  WTF?!?!  Oh well, I better not complain, they might disappear!  So, as a fairy woodland princess, I got to wear glitter– a LOT of glitter!  There is glitter all over my bathroom.  I sprayed myself with glitter literally from the top of my head to my toes (I was wearing open toed shoes, seemed like the thing to do). 

Anywho, without further ado, here are some really cute pictures of the lovely ladies I hang out with and one very tolerant man who is an awfully good sport about all of our nonsense.  Although, for the record, I think he definitely gets into the halloween thing!


The Girls- Dana, Kellie, Tricia, Kim, Corrina and Dolly

The Girls- Dana, Kellie, Tricia, Kim, Corrina and Dolly


Redneck Kim and Princess Tricia

Redneck Kim and Princess Tricia


French Maid Carrie and Princess Tricia

French Maid Carrie and Princess Tricia

We were all so proud of Carrie.  She made her French Maid costume kid friendly and appropriate.  Who woulda thunk it?
Witch Doctor Daniel and Princess Tricia

Witch Doctor Daniel and Princess Tricia

Angel Dolly and Princess Tricia

Angel Dolly and Princess Tricia

Really, I think our costumes were slightly tongue in cheek- no matter how inadvertent!  I mean, my mom, an angel??  Me, a princess??  I know there is irony here, but I refuse to examine it too closely.

October 23, 2008

Women (young and old) Against Sarah Palin

Filed under: Uncategorized — by trishthedishfl @ 3:32 am
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